I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize