Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
