Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
