11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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