I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
