Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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