my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize