tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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