The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
