sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
