I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
