That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
