nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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