you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
