He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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