There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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