he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
