That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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