Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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