An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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