Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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