Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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