They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
