Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
