i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.