We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.