Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  put your butt on the phone this is a booty call

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  (916): put your butt on the phone this is a booty call http://tfl.nu/3vuo
  Replies (25) Good night (2970) Bad night (642)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.

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  (765): It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt. (1-765): Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead. http://tfl.nu/kzx4
  Replies (50) Good night (2058) Bad night (1332)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.

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  (616): yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage. http://tfl.nu/rey5
  Replies (16) Good night (436) Bad night (2518)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  this boner is exhausting

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  (207): this boner is exhausting http://tfl.nu/qxdc
  Replies (26) Good night (4190) Bad night (1188)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.

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  (303): I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer. http://tfl.nu/pliu
  Replies (18) Good night (1416) Bad night (4276)
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  (914): View more from New York

  tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.

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  (914): tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw. http://tfl.nu/h6gx
  Replies (19) Good night (5586) Bad night (1221)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation

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  (704): someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation http://tfl.nu/fra5
  Replies (15) Good night (4248) Bad night (1099)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital

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  (403): The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital http://tfl.nu/iqkh
  Replies (4) Good night (3061) Bad night (1491)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.

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  (757): Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns. http://tfl.nu/p6ls
  Replies (7) Good night (985) Bad night (1678)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.

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  (765): I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday. http://tfl.nu/lb5a
  Replies (5) Good night (1900) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing

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  (775): I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing http://tfl.nu/nqjl
  Replies (6) Good night (1002) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home

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  (407): we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home http://tfl.nu/hueq
  Replies (4) Good night (424) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.

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  (765): So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30. http://tfl.nu/7nzj
  Replies (3) Good night (528) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.

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  (512): I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down. http://tfl.nu/fm9e
  Replies (3) Good night (325) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house

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  (214): Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house http://tfl.nu/mqs8
  Replies (3) Good night (457) Bad night (239)

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