I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?