woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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