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Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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