Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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