Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom

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  (313): i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom http://tfl.nu/6o5z
  Replies (2) Good night (802) Bad night (993)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.

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  (407): I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA. http://tfl.nu/w336
  Replies (52) Good night (1949) Bad night (4144)
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  (315): View more from New York

  i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.

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  (315): i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear. http://tfl.nu/94id
  Replies (10) Good night (5406) Bad night (1268)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.

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  (610): I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families (570): That statement alone makes me laugh so hard. http://tfl.nu/jdb3
  Replies (7) Good night (6401) Bad night (1245)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls

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  (720): I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls http://tfl.nu/uqfq
  Replies (11) Good night (3910) Bad night (1217)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween

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  (405): Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween http://tfl.nu/jypy
  Replies (20) Good night (1523) Bad night (3253)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job

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  (519): he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job http://tfl.nu/3g10
  Replies (8) Good night (903) Bad night (3809)
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  (562): View more from California

  I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.

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  (562): I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die. http://tfl.nu/mr7u
  Replies (6) Good night (2858) Bad night (1262)
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  (631): View more from New York

  He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.

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  (631): He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club. http://tfl.nu/hcoc
  Replies (5) Good night (2772) Bad night (830)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.

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  (815): Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants. http://tfl.nu/z0pn
  Replies (4) Good night (1844) Bad night (1019)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember

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  (251): He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember http://tfl.nu/p8oz
  Replies (2) Good night (1665) Bad night (842)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  ...Wow...

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I could be a kindergarten teacher

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  (309): It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life. (1-309): ...Wow... (309): I could be a kindergarten teacher http://tfl.nu/o4tt
  Replies (20) Good night (1466) Bad night (591)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.

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  (308): In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge. http://tfl.nu/2ycl
  Replies (22) Good night (1672) Bad night (805)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.

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  (781): I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups. http://tfl.nu/fsmw
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (569)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I don't even want to know.

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  (815): Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it. (312): I don't even want to know. http://tfl.nu/t388
  Replies (1) Good night (437) Bad night (712)

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