3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
