I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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