i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
