I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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