Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
