so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize