you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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