So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So vagazzling was a success
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
