My room smells like vodka and shame
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
