I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
