So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
God, I missed his penis.
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