We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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