I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
