she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
