Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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