what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
