I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
