God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize