Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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