she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
