Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
