AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
