About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
