forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize