nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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