drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
