I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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