Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
