Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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