It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
