what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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