remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
