I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
