Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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