I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
