I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
