Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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