I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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