I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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